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I Will Make a Virtue of Disappointment

Updated: Apr 8, 2020

This beautiful poem and commentary written by my daughter really hit home for me. It somehow gave me permission to feel disappointed about all those things that won’t happen this spring because of this crisis we are all facing.

Please take a moment, make yourself a coffee and sit down and reflect on how you and your family are really doing with this crisis. Please either comment below or email, text, call me if you just want to talk – I’m here for you.

I have decided to make a virtue of disappointment

You can keep your serene patient women

carefully unstitching their desires every night

I will release my hopes to the sky

Let them soar

Though the world is full of arrows

If they fall I will catch their

broken bodies

Hold them and grieve

with no shame for my sorrow

In their own time

New wings will begin to flutter

Allana Bianco

When I wrote this poem at the end of last year, I had no idea how many disappointments I was about to see. By now, we’ve all seen more canceled plans and unfulfilled expectations than we could have anticipated in a few short months. Small things that meant a lot to us. Big things that we had devoted time and energy and money to. Things we were excited about that have been cut off before they had a chance to get started. Things we had poured ourselves into that have been snatched away at the last minute. We’ve all got something.

I was going to the Finder’s Ranges to hike over Easter.

I was going to celebrate my birthday this month with a night out and karaoke.

I was going to Oregon in May for three and half weeks.

I was going to watch my mom graduate from university.

I was going to be maid of honor for my best friend and throw her a Bachelorette party and see friends I haven’t seen in years and I was going to be there for her the way she was there for me when I got married.

And now, I’m not.

If you feel like you shouldn’t be disappointed, like its weak or selfish, or you don’t have the right because others have it worse – you’re allowed to be disappointed. To lose an idea of the future that you loved is still a loss.

We want to show empathy, and we care about how other are feeling. But comparing and ranking our struggle against others’ and telling ourselves we have no right to feel our darker feelings because others are suffering more, doesn’t actually nurture empathy. If you can’t feel your own feelings, you can’t feel for someone else. If you can’t allow your own grief, you will always resist the grief of others.

Allow yourself to feel, and know that nothing is permanent. If you’re feeling pretty beat down today, know that you deserve to be comforted, and that it will not last forever. If you’re feeling pretty good today, know that it’s not selfish or wrong to be okay.

If you’ve been disappointed, I’m sorry for your loss, no matter the size. If you want to share something below that has disappointed you, I’m listening


Here are some links to resources that have been passed on to me that may help in the processing of this time:

This site has several good videos to watch…

This one is kid-friendly

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